Hello my lovies!
I haven’t posted anything in months but this momma needs a space where she can release stress or even just talk to herself about life because that is how crazy I am.
My little girl turned 4 this year – I cannot believe that I’m the mom to a child. Not a baby but a full blown child! How, when and where did the time go? I feel like just yesterday she was snuggled into me when she was a newborn. Now she is this independant, sassy, and beautiful little girl with such a kind heart.
The older lily gets the harder I find it to be a single parent. I find it hard now that she is realizing other kids have dads and she doesn’t. Where is my dad momma? A question that she ask me – looking at me with her big brown eyes. How does one answer that question? Do I tell her how terrible he was, do I not say anything, do I change the subject? It pains me to talk about him and it makes me sad thinking about how she must be feeling.I haven’t figured out yet how i will answer her little questions. I thought I would have found someone that would be able to fill the void but I haven’t found a guy I would want to be Lily’s role model. I hope I can provide enough love for her so she doesn’t feel like she is missing out or like she has been robbed of a childhood with two parents.
Parenting and motherhood are extremely hard in general ask any mom they will tell you. It’s 10 times harder when you are doing it alone. Everything is on you, you have to be the bad guy, the friend, the listener, the good guy etc. It is beyond exhausting to be a single parent and sometimes I look at myself at the end of the day and i’m fucking proud of myself. I’m doing this all alone, my kid is well behaved, I have a clean house, I work all day, and my kid has clean clothes. How and where I get the energy from I have no idea. Sometimes you just gotta have a drink of wine at the end of the day or do whatever it is that makes you happy to keep going.
Every mom needs to take a moment during the day to have some YOU time. I used to struggle with this concept and fighting with the feelings I had if I took a second to enjoy something I like. In fact I really do believe it makes you a better parent – it gives you the strength to go on and repeat the same things a hundred 1000 times a day.
These last couple of months have really tested my patience as a mother and as a person being injured, feeling exhausted, and just not being able to do the things i used too before. I’ve learned to have more appreciation for myself and just to tell myself i’m a fucking rockstar. Juggling working, physio, OT appts, surgeon appts, being a mother and keeping a house is fucking hard. I’ve done this on my own and by myself. If I can survive and come out better from this progress I can do anything. I have to tell myself that I can do it! We all suffer with mental health and sometimes being a mom puts your mental health state to the test. No matter if today was not great, tomorrow is a new day and a new start. It will get better even if it seems like this is a real shitty situation
I guess the One thing I want you to take from this is that no matter if you are a single parent, or not, or maybe you don’t have kids– take away that life is hard as fuck. Don’t take everything too seriously because we might not be here tomorrow. Your life can flash in front of your eyes at any moment. Focus on making memories and making the best of your time with the people around you.